The Ten Celebrity Commandments – A poem for Parsha Vaetchanan (Aliyah 4)

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Hear, O Israel, the statutes and ordinances which I speak in your ears this day, and learn them, and observe [them] to do them.

Deuteronomy 5:1

The ten commandments are worth repeating
because they are the famous ones, even though
there are six hundred and three others.

The first ten are the ones whose autographs
you would want if you ran into them at the supermarket.
Look, there’s you shall not steal

hanging out by the organic cucumbers.
I saw you shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife
once on a date. I didn’t say anything.

I’m pretty sure I saw you should not murder
getting on a northbound train in San Diego
several years ago. By all accounts, that train

arrived in Santa Barbara without an issue.
I’m already friends with remember the
Sabbath Day and keep it holy, but

I live in L.A. and that’s just the kind of thing
you’d expect. I did go through extraordinary
efforts to have a meet and greet with

honor your father and your mother.
I’m not so much mesmerized by celebrity
but I love their work so much.

I’ve noticed that you shall not bear false witness
hasn’t been getting much work lately.
But I checked their net worth online –

They’ll be fine. You shall not make idols
is really the people’s commandment.
So nice. So approachable.

As for you shall have no other gods before me
honestly I’m a big fan of Their earlier work.
I watch the trades to see what They’re up to.

It’s hard to tell when someone’s been
permanently canceled. I’m hoping for a comeback.
I think we’re all hoping for a comeback.

These poems are offered free for your enjoyment. If you use them as part of an event, meeting, educational or liturgical setting, please consider tipping the author.

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