Shemini — eighth
I
Priests must not drink wine or strong drink
before entering the Tent of Meeting.
I am not a priest but I also wait until
I enter a place of meeting before I tie one on.
II
Wave a ram’s breast in the air
in the direction of the One.
It’s one of the things They’re into
and will lead Them to your favor.
III
If you’re going to a funeral
comb your hair.
IV
If it has hooves
it doesn’t go in your mouth.
V
You may eat four kinds of locusts.
Locusts may seem exotic and not
be pleasing to your tongue, so, note
it is not a requirement to eat them.
But if you do, make sure your locust
selection is from the approved list.
VI
Eat your vegetables.
Actually, that’s not one of them
but I put it in in case
any kids are watching.
VII
You may have to destroy your plates
(Especially earthenware) if something
untoward touches them.
This law was not sponsored by
the earthenware industry.
VIII
Above all be holy
Know right from wrong
lest you burst into flames
like the two emboldened ones.